Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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