I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize