Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
