i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
