I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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