I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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