Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
