its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize