I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
