Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
