This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
