There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
do nipples grow back?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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