i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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