Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
