I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
