I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
