OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
