Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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