he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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