she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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