I feel great
I just peed on a car
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
