i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
