she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
