I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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