When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
