I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
