I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
