So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize