I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
