I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
