Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I enjoy the company of your penis
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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