i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
