He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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