he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
