Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
