i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
