K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize