Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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