Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You can't just leave with hair like that
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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