hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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