hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
