Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
