How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
