My hand turned me down
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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