man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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