shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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