That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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