i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
