That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
