I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
