I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
