My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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