And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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