somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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