if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
