Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize