the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
