i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Randomize
