Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
