in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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