you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
