when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
