i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
two words...techno handjob
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
