Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
