dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
