Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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