My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
