My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My bed smells like the plague
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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