it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
