At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
