I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
