like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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