I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
