i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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