i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
