Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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