im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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