If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize