Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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