just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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