THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize