So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
