Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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