Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
