I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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