Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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