I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
