There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
