got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
