My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
