margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
