): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
