I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
