This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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