did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, beer. Big fan.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
