Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
