Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
