Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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