tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
