i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
