did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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